Cataclysmic Catastrophe
by isabellsah cullen
Summary: A day in the life of Stephanie Plum...fun little Babe short. Pyromaniac skip, Ranger and the merry men and Morelli all thrown into a disaster area with one Stephanie Plum.


**WARNING: Mild Violence. **I do not own anything; all belongs to the lovely **Janet Evanovich. **(Except for Anthony Delaney who is a pyromaniac after my own heart...bet that got you interested huh?)

**I AM A BABE...**

**SPOV**

_Cataclysmic Catastrophe. _

Not how I would describe today's events so far. Could get there by the end of the day, after all it was only 2pm. If I get cut off from dessert before the night is through _then_ it can be a _cataclysmic catastrophe_. At the moment it was just an accident...or a couple of accidents that were _sooooo_ not my fault.

I was leaning against a chain link fence, my skip handcuffed at my feet, my car a smoking pile of rubble (the flames had subsided fairly quickly), the building across the street decimated, debris covering the ground around us as well as a few surrounding buildings on fire and I had a bullet in my ass. I could hear the wailing sirens in the distance drawing ever closer. Guess which cop had arrived first on the scene? Yep, my boyfriend...well of two minutes ago my _ex-_boyfriend, Joe Morelli. He had been ranting since he arrived three minutes ago; I had tuned out two minutes and fifty five seconds ago after the words _Cataclysmic Catastrophe_ left his mouth_._ Today _so _wasn't even that bad of a day _yet._ Fate gods, please ignore my last comment.

My ass hurt like hell, I could feel the blood trickling down my leg and soaking my jeans as he ranted and waved his arms about. I had yet to say anything. My skip, lying on his back, kept glancing between me and Morelli like he was watching a tennis match. I was biding my time till Joe ran out of steam. I was hoping for sooner rather than later because in a few minutes I'm sure I would be passed out on the ground...maybe I'll land on my pain in the ass skip. Asshole. He blew up my car, he shot me and he made me run a mile. _So _wasn't worth paying my rent to get out of bed this morning.

Fire trucks, Ambulances and Cop cars rolled down the street, making a semi-circular perimeter around what was left of my car. The fireman instantly set to work on extinguishing the houses...if you could call them houses anymore. Stupid skip had blown up his own freaking house. I'm adding a note to Anthony Delaney's file in big bold letters PYROMANIAC : LIKES BOMBS! So next time I know to hand the file to Ranger. Speak of the devil himself. I watched as one black Porsche and two black SUV's pulled up at the curb. Wow, Ranger had company today. Usually only one black car turned up.

I made a come-hither motion with my finger at the fleet of black-mobiles which set Joe off on another rant. Looks like he wasn't going to shut up anytime soon.

"THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU JOESEPH MORELLI! I am sick and tired of your shit. I am no longer your girlfriend and no longer your _cupcake_!" I spat the word at him as his face turned an unhealthy shade of red. Too bad, I was in rhino mode.

"I am done with you. We're unhealthy for each other; you hate my job and my friends; I hate your attitude. We don't mesh, and I'm out. You know what?! I've just figured it out!" I started giggling as I watched Ranger, Tank and Bobby approach in Kevlar vests, armed to the nines as Lester, Ram, Hal and Cal stood outside the SUV's looking like they were about to invade a small country.

"**You're just mad, I'm a celebrity and you're not!** That's it isn't it. You never get recognised for all your work but I constantly am! Not that it makes a difference. I'm still done with us. Babe out" I muttered as black dots danced in front of my eyes and a pair of strong Mocha Latte arms caught me before I hit the ground. Then it was lights out Stephanie.

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

Dark. Everything is dark. My eyelids are too heavy to open. I had a very strange nightmare. My skip got outta control and decided to blow up his house and my car before shooting me in the ass and blaming me. Then I had broken up with Morelli...actually that's not so bad, breaking up with Morelli seems like a very good dream...hmm what else? Oh yeah, I woke up in hospital to find Ranger lying next to me on my hospital bed telling me he was gonna take care of me from now on and he was sorry and _gulp_ that today was someday...that he loved me...

I shifted my leg slightly and pain shot up through my ass. Damn, wasn't a nightmare or a dream...unless Ranger had really meant what he said about _someday_. As I tried to sift through the bits of information flowing through my mind, I felt a gentle kiss on my lips. That was the motivation I needed to open my eyes.

"Ranger?" I asked while hoping to dear God it wasn't Joe, not that Joe had kissed me like that in months...My eyes fluttered open.

"Hey Babe. How you feeling?" My eyes met his, he was leaning over me...and we weren't in hospital anymore. Glancing around the room quickly, I determined we were in fact in Ranger's bedroom on the seventh floor.

"I feel like I got shot in the ass, had a house blow up thirty seconds after I exited it, ran a mile then had my car blow up in front of my eyes a minute before I was about to load my skip into it. But other than that, your bed is really comfy, I'm _definitely_ not complaining about the kisses or the person giving the kisses...so I'm pretty good, pain is starting to get on my nerves though." My rambling was cut off by a very welcome pair of lips.

"Babe" One small word with so many meanings. He carefully crawled over me and got off the bed and headed out of the bedroom.

"Roll over onto your stomach Babe" Ranger instructed as he came back into the room with what looked like an icepack in his hand.

"**You can't make me. It's too cold!**" I squeaked, half sitting up and scooting away from him. Ranger just sighed. OMG I made _Ranger_ SIGH?!

"Babe, I'm not letting Bobby give you any more pain killers. It makes you catatonic. I don't like my Babe lying there silent and still. Please." I blinked.

"But it's cold" I mumbled reluctantly sliding back to the middle of the bed and rolling onto my stomach. Well, how could I resist him when he started saying stuff like _my Babe _and_ please?_

"Only for a little while Babe" I made a noise indicating that I was unenthusiastic about this.

"Have you put it on yet?" I wondered after a few minutes.

"Yeah Babe, ages ago. The bandage is probably taking most of the chill, another few minutes and it will start to work." It wasn't freezing cold? Maybe this _would_ make me feel better. We sat like that for half an hour...yep Ranger held ice to my _ass_ for half an hour...which by the way was pleasantly numb. I felt him move and the sound of the ice pack landing on the floor.

"Thank you" I announced to the pillow. I'm sure all he heard was _mmffooo._

"Babe" Ranger rolled me onto my side and smiled at me.

"I said thank you" I stated. His smile didn't falter.

"I know Babe, anytime." I raised both my eyes brows at him, causing his smile to widen.

"You mean you'll ice my ass anytime?" Ranger stared at me for a second before he started laughing. A deep, wonderful laugh. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him.

"Yeah Babe. You're mine now and I'm gonna take care of you. Till death do us part" My heart fluttered. I was _his_. Till death do us part?

Ranger picked up my left hand and brushed a kiss over my knuckles...that was when I noticed the rock on my finger...

**RPOV**

Babe's face just split into a mile wide grin before her eyes rolled back and her eyes fluttered shut as her body moulded into mine. She passed out. I guess she took it better than I expected...I'm taking this as a _yes_.


End file.
